Mentis- A 9-chapter plan for loneliness and relationship worry, about 3–4 weeks.
- Small, regular steps: one message, twenty minutes of your own time, one real sentence, one small ask.
- Works on your side of a relationship, so you can do it even if the other person won't.
- Built on social connection research, which keeps finding that people underestimate how welcome reaching out is.
Who is the relationships plan for?
You might have a full phone and a full house, and still feel like nobody really knows how you are. Maybe you're always the one who messages first. Maybe you say "I'm fine" on autopilot, or the same argument with one person keeps coming back. Closer Relationships is for any of these. It isn't couples counselling. It's practical, daily work on how you connect.
Why small steps work for loneliness
Connection matters more than most of us think. In a meta-analysis of 148 studies covering over 300,000 people, those with stronger social relationships had 50% higher odds of survival over the study period (Holt-Lunstad et al., 2010). That's comparable to well-known risks like smoking.
The good news is that the fix is often small, and we get in our own way by misjudging it. In a series of experiments, people consistently underestimated how much others appreciated a short, unexpected message (Liu et al., 2023). They also underestimated how likely others were to say yes to a direct request for help (Flynn & Lake, 2008). The plan is built around testing those predictions in real life.
What's in the 9 chapters?
1. The first honest look
Goal: I can see who I actually talk to, and who I've let go quiet. One line a day: who you really spoke to. Five names you've lost touch with. Activities: "Why It Goes Quiet", "Lonely In A Full House", "The One You'd Miss Most".
2. One person, on purpose
Goal: I'm in touch with people on purpose, not by accident. One short message a day to one of three people, at a set time. Activities: "Why The Small Message Works", "Nothing To Say Is Fine", "Make One Of Them A Call". See the one message.
3. Time that's actually mine
Goal: I get some of the day back before I'm available to anyone. Twenty minutes that belong to you, before the family group and the office group. Activities: "Available Isn't The Same As Close", "The Guilt", "I'm Taking Twenty Minutes".
4. Both ways
Goal: I've stopped carrying relationships that only move when I push. You notice who starts conversations, and practise not chasing. Activities: "The One Who Always Messages First", "Who Moved First", "When It's Genuinely One-Sided".
5. Something to do together
Goal: There's something with another person in my week, every week. Company isn't only conversation. A walk, a match or chai, every week. Activities: "Company Isn't Conversation", "The Standing Thing", "Same Time Next Week?".
6. Saying the real thing
Goal: I say what I actually mean to the people close to me. One true sentence instead of "fine". Activities: "One Sentence, Not The Whole Thing", "Said It, Held It Back", "It Landed Better Than They Expected". See saying the real thing.
7. Asking for something
Goal: I can ask for help without it costing me anything. Three small asks, one of them by voice. Activities: "Why Asking Feels Like Debt", "People Say Yes More Than You Think", "When The Answer Is No". See the one ask.
8. The friction with one person
Goal: The same argument doesn't run me anymore. Wait, then make the point. Separate the tone from the point. Activities: "The Same Argument", "Tone And Point", "What Changed When You Didn't Match The Tone".
9. Holding it
Goal: I'm in touch with my people, and I'd notice if I drifted again. You choose your keepers and write a restart rule. Activities: "Which Ones You're Keeping", "Keeping This Without The Plan".
What does a day on the plan look like?
- Check-in. Mimi asks how you're arriving, and whether today's message went out.
- One task. A short read, an audio story, or a journal prompt like "What You Sent, What Came Back".
- One real-world step. A message, a call, twenty minutes, or a sentence.
What changes can I expect?
The first weeks are about you, not about other people changing. Most people find that reaching out gets easier and less loaded by chapter 2. A few relationships warm up, and a few one-sided ones become clearer. By the end, you'll have a small set of habits that keep you in touch on purpose. Your Social sky in the app shows the trend.
How do I start?
Download Mentis, do your first check-in and choose Relationships. Or try the one message today. You can also read more in our relationships guides.
Frequently asked questions
Is this plan for couples?
It's for any close relationship: a partner, friends, siblings, parents, colleagues. Most chapters work on your side of things, so you can do the plan alone even if the other person isn't interested.
Can it help with relationship anxiety?
It helps with the habits that keep relationship worry going: chasing replies, holding back what you feel, and the same argument on repeat. If the worry is constant or you feel unsafe in a relationship, please talk to a professional or call Tele-MANAS on 14416.
I feel lonely even though I live with family. Is that normal?
Very. Chapter 1 has a lesson called 'Lonely In A Full House' for exactly this. Loneliness is about the quality of connection, not the number of people around you.
What if people don't reply?
The plan expects that. 'When There's No Reply' is one of the lessons. You're building a habit of reaching out, and replies tend to follow over weeks, not days.
How much time does it take?
A few minutes a day in the app, plus small real-world steps like one message, one call, or twenty minutes for yourself.
- Holt-Lunstad J, Smith TB, Layton JB (2010). Social relationships and mortality risk: a meta-analytic review. PLoS Medicine 7(7).
- Liu PJ, Rim S, Min L, Min KE (2023). The surprise of reaching out: appreciated more than we think. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology 124(4).
- Flynn FJ, Lake VKB (2008). If you need help, just ask: underestimating compliance with direct requests for help. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology 95(1).
- Epley N, Schroeder J (2014). Mistakenly seeking solitude. Journal of Experimental Psychology: General 143(5).
- World Health Organization (2025). From loneliness to social connection: report of the WHO Commission on Social Connection.